Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
