I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pants are for mortals
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
