just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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