Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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