i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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