the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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