if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
