Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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