He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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