question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
