Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
