OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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