I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
