Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
