I can't breathe out the right side of my face
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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