Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
