can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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