proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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