Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
