at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
