why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
