i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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