just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
