My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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