at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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