i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
