she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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