Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You are a genius and a whore.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
