You're my little dorito
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
