Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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