she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
