y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
