Actions speak louder than pants.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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