hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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