everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
