i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
