Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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