I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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