he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize