he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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