In the future we'll all be gay
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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