My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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