Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
