The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Randomize
