I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
