somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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