I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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