idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I could make wine with my vomit
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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