Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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