just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
