I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
