I have demons in me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize