I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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