remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
50% drunk capacity currently
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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