My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
