i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
