we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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