i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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