she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize