mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
