I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
