some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
