I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
