You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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