he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
