If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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