After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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