my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My cat gives me a boner
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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