In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
