Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
FUCK WHALES
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