I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
